Longing for home

  I have recently had a change in my life that affects this blog...I am no longer a preschool teacher at a daycare. I went back into the school system as a SPED aid. I get to work in my daughter's elementary school which is fabulous! I am really going to enjoy having the same schedule as my children. And the staff is so friendly that I have felt a warm welcome right from the start. :)

 After today I may not be writing much in the way of preschool...at least not for a few years, which brings me to today's topic.

  I have about one year left to go with WGU TN before I become a certified teacher. My degree in pre-k through 3rd grade will enable me to teach in the public school system. Which is what the typical course of action would be as a college graduate with a teacher license. It is also what is expected by friends and family  all around me. Why go to school to become a teacher unless you're going to actually become a teacher? And teacher I shall be, although the form it may someday take might surprise a few people.

  While the thought of teaching in a public school classroom makes me happy, the thought of having my own in-home daycare/preschool has been my DREAM career for years, and it makes me utterly filled with sheer JOY just to imagine it!!!

   Even when my family homeschooled, all during that wonderful eleven years when my husband was blessed with a good income and good health, I always thought that I might need a back-up plan should I ever not be able to homeschool my children. I thanked the Lord daily for His provision and always prayed that should one door close He would open another. I often imagined that the other door would be a daycare; then as years went by that dream evolved into a full-on preschool taught in a cozy home setting. I began to imagine how to transform my home to blend a business and my family; I looked at the homeschool curriculum we used and began to see how it could be tweaked to be a wonderful tool for a pre-k setting; I began to sketch ideas and buy up supplies. I scoured the internet for vidoes and photos and training. I took the popular Start a Preschool training by Joy Anderson and even went on to take another course called Open a Preschool. I listened and took notes and learned so much.

 When my husband became so sick that I could no longer homeschool I thought my world was ending. But then I ended up with a wonderful job in a local daycare and started this blog. And I was happy, very very happy. And I learned so much from that job about how a daycare runs and what is expected in a business setting. But my heart still longed to be home. I knew God had a plan for me and it appears that the daycare was part of  that plan, but what about my dreams? How did it all fit together?

 Now three years later I am in the school system; I am exactly where I need to be to become a teacher. I am learning hands-on how the classrooms of today work. I see the teachers in action, with their brightly-lit classrooms and their smiling faces, and their calm demeanors as they work to educate our children. I admire them; the job looks very difficult and at times demanding. And even in the difficulty the thought of doing what they do makes me happy. But the thought of teaching in my own preschool is where my heart really lies.I still long to be home.

 I just can't get past it; I've tried. I've tried to talk myself out of it over and over. in fact, in my present situation and without a remodel of my home, it wouldn't even be possible. Starting a business is hard I tell myself...I might not succeed...and having an in-home daycare/preschool is something that affects the whole family. Time and time again I've started to sale or donate my daycare stuff. But it sits in labeled tubs in my basement, waiting, hoping. I hear my own brain and the thoughts of others that will come. Yes, it affects everyone. Yes, it takes over the house. Yes, a 4-year degree is a bit excessive and not really required in my state to own a preschool at home. How will you make profit What happens if no one enrolls their children? Yes, the school system has insurance and a retirement plan.I have no business skills. I would be crazy to not teach in a traditional school setting and "waste" that degree and all the money it took to get it. The thoughts and fear of potential failure nag at me.

  But the bottom line is I want to be blissfully, crazily, overjoyed and drenched in utter happiness as I wake each morning, ready to start my work day. And with all my heart, I believe without a shadow of a doubt that this is the path God has been leading me down for years now. Everything along the way, every experience gained from homeschooling to daycare to my new SPED job...they have all just been stepping stones to my future. God put the right people, the right leadership in front of me to help me see the ins and outs, the pros and cons of each scenario.

  So I will finish my schooling. I will be the best student I know how to be. I will also be the best SPED aid I know how to be at my current job. Someday I will be the best student teacher I know how to be to finish my degree. And unless God changes my path, I will never stop dreaming of that day when my old fixer-upper house is ready and the doors are opened wide, when the rooms are freshly painted and the cubbies are stocked and the lesson plans are ready. Where the art table smells of new Crayolas and the science table is filled with rocks and gems and a plant and a fish and a hermit crab.Where the dramatic play area is stocked with princess clothes and cowboy clothes and a fruit stand with play money. Where the reading center is cozy and the scent of the new books lures the kids in to cuddle and read under the abc tree. Where the activity table awaits with measuring spoons and recipes and ingredients for a cooking activity.....you'll find me sitting in the middle of a  playroom painted the color of fresh lemons, with sock-footed preschoolers all around me singing Five Little Monkeys on the circle time rug. Come join us for the next song...it will be a blast and a dream come true. :)

 Until then,